Up. It’s Dark With Coffee

I’m up, watching YouTube. There’s an attractive 40ish woman, posing in a mesh bikini.

I don’t know what it’s like to lust any more, to carry a seduction through to its conclusion, to be with a woman who values my company more than watching an episode of Adam 12.

This reflection is descending into a rant about being 73 and lonely.

Early To Rise

At 0330 I awoke, hoping it was later than 3:30. I went to bed at 1230 , hoping I would sleep normal hours like Mr Average American.

So I lay in my bed, the old bed I had when I was a junior in high school. It has no sheets, just a mattress pad.

I’m trying to figure out feminine beauty and sexual attraction and love. All three, in and of themselves, are major undertakings to write about.

We’ve been overwhelmed by this since David saw Bathsheba in a her bath.

These musings are a product of my loneliness. My heart had been closed too long.

I don’t know how to end this. I need sleep.

Signing off

It’s Been A Few Days

We’ve had massacres at concerts, bridge destruction, personal electronics malfunctions, births, deaths. You know. Life goes on, John Mellenkamp reminded us.

I’m watching trains. My guardian angel, Jade, told me to avoid the news for two days. That is getting easier and easier.

News, I think, is how we’re manipulated, by the people who make the bombs and pay off the politicians.

Enough of that. If you have chance to get laid, go for it! Nothing beats an orgasm.

Grief Over Getting Lost

I’m looking at my house. It’s filled with stuff, I once deemed important. Books I planned to read, CD’s I thought I would listen to, movies on my Watch List.

Now, all of this sits here, ready to entertain me, inspire great thoughts, or just stimulate thinking.

I had locked myself in Bedlam and thrown away the key,. Now I must plot my escape. Let me keep it simple. 1)Pack up what I don’t want.

2) Throw out the old newspapers, the clothes I no longer wear can go to the thrift stores.

3) What’s left is the grieving over getting lost in such a big way

Birthday. Mine.

21January was my birthday. 73. Pretty amazing. We went to a fancy Italian-themed chain restaurant, Maggianno’s Little Italy. There were families there. Several babies were there, passed around the table for aunts, uncles and grandparents to cuddle and smile at. A little girl with pigtails was eating penne pasta, beside her pregnant mom and little brother, who had yet to receive his first haircut. Another family featured 10 and 12 year-old brothers showcasing their table manners. They did well.

This is a restaurant that gives free desserts on special occasions. I received a crème brûlée to share with J. There was a bodacious quantity of food to take home. J finished off the crème brûlée first.

I took a nap, watched some football, even though I said I wouldn’t. Robert came by with a French tart from Whole Foods. Tasty, a perfect birthday indulgence

I could say more and I just might later.

Seated As The Dream Unwinds.

I’m breathing slowly, sitting in my chair, waiting for a train to pass on the Virtual Rail Fan YouTube Channel. The Amtrak train, #97 Southbound Silver Meteor, passes through town, on the way to Miami.

I can imagine a couple, newlyweds, on The Orange Blossom Special, headed to Miami Beach, for a stay in an Art Deco hotel and a properly improper honeymoon. Is it their first time? We won’t say.

What we do know is that both are eager. They’ve spent their lives wondering, reading the marriage manuals. Now, packing condoms, pessary and spermicide, these naive innocents will began their adventure in adulthood

The return trip will include college on the GI Bill, mortgage from the VA, that shiny new DeSoto, and an inexhaustible supply of diapers from the Stork Diaper Service.

He hopes his job at the advertising agency, handling the cigarette account will be lucrative. She hopes she won’t be too bored with keeping the house, playing canasta, and listening to how her neighbour Betty lets her hubby Sam, take her back there. At least she won’t get pregnant. Again.

All these little dramas end when the letter from The Government arrives, telling him he’s been called back, to report to Camp LeJeune for God knows what.

So it’s off on an another train, alone this time, as the Twentieth Century unfolds before him.