My Dad’s sister Midge retired from the Civil Service with a nice pension, a great investment portfolio, and time on her hands. The Internet was well established and she did business with numerous online businesses that delivered right to her door. She ordered from Omaha Steaks, Vermont Country Store, Amazon.com and The Trappists Monks of Gethsemani Abbey, (cheese makers, called by my brother “The stinky cheese monks”). When she died in 2011, we figured UPS had to lay off at least 2 delivery drivers.
As I enter my ninth month of surgical recovery, I believe I am carrying on her legacy of Internet purchasing. Today nine packages came to my door, from both the Postal Service and UPS. There were books, DVD’s and a cell phone battery and charger. The books featured a biography of Samuel Steward, tattoo artist, friend of Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas, and as the dust cover says, “sexual renegade” (FYI he was homosexual when it wasn’t cool to be gay). We also have two books by Madame H. P. Blavatsky, found of theosophy and inspiration to the Nazis, a book of the cartoons of Robert Crumb, and recipe book from a radio personality of the Forties, The Mystery Chef’s Own Cookbook. That book will be a post in itself at some future date. DVD’s include one about a nudist colony, one about the First World War and two about Nazi Germany.
Now I have been feeding the Amazon monkey for nine months now and if I never order another book from Amazon, I will be busy for the next 35 years. Since I’m planning on living to age 100, I know what I will be doing to stay busy. If there isn’t a 12 Step program for Amazon customers, there ought to be. Lots of sex-related titles in my purchases; maybe I ought to have that “talk” with my wife, instead of sublimating that needed discussion into books and DVD’s. Here I am storing in three-dimensional space what should really be a life-defining and relationship-defining dialogue with my life partner. If that isn’t fucked-up, I don’t know what would be.