Love is nothing without forgiveness and understanding.-Pope Francis
I wanted to tell the story of my two cousins, now deceased, who were both born on 21 August, but 10 years apart. That is going to have to wait.
I have to write about streaks. We all have them. There are those times when everything is going well, or not so well. It seems that the good stuff, or the bad, will go on forever. Then it stops. All of a sudden, our mojo isn’t working any more or starts again, just as enigmatically. I was cruising along, swimming every day, dropping weight, feeling good , taking my vitamins. Then it stopped. You might say I got too deep “in my head”, wondering. I’ve been feeling not so good since the colonoscopy. My first swim after the procedure the following Monday ended at 100 meters when some nausea came on. The next day I did a decent workout. The next day, Wednesday, my younger son and I had dinner at my sister’s and I was all jazzed up about seeing him. Then Thursday brought the trip to Baltimore.
Baltimore includes The Things about which I haven’t written. How I wanted to reconnect sexually with my wife. How it did not happen. Is she afraid? Am I? Are my fears in a dance with hers? I am afraid she will reject me sexually, verbally, with finality, and I will be left with pieces of a life to reassemble at age 65. I am afraid, in that case, I lack the courage to move on. I am afraid that my sexual needs, wants and desires diminish what we do have. Laughter. Conversation. Family.
Then again, how much longer am I going to step over the garbage? Literally. That’s what it is when you live with a slob. And slob-ness is infectious. There is crap accumulating in my respective micro-habitat. Kitchen has crumbs. Trash can is full. Sinks and toilets need a once over.
What’s up? Swimming with tears in my eyes, for sure. Coming back home, doing something to make the house a little cleaner. Avoiding the pop psychology “Self-Esteem” game, but, rather, doing the next right thing, whether I feel better afterwards or not.
This morning on Instagram was a post from Pope Francis, not that he went online and posted it himself. “Love is nothing without forgiveness and understanding.” Thank you, Holy Father, for another growth experience.